Friday, May 30, 2008

Parental Advisory

Ok, let me just start by saying that if you live ANYWHERE near me, you are gonna want to run over to the Crazy Horse Steakhouse at noon. Here's why:

My dad, who we all know drives me nuts, is coming today. Normally he doesn't give a shit about anyone but number 5 (dude, whatever takes his focus off criticizing the shit outta me), but yesterday he called me and asked if I would go have lunch with him.

He has a history of taking you somewhere so you can't get away and then dropping shit on you so you are completely TRAPPED. So of course I am suspicious. Being me, I asked him flat out, "Why? What's going on?" I'm sure even though we were on the phone, he could tell I was squinting suspiciously. I KNOW in my soul that something is up. He didn't just spontaneously decide he wants to spend some time with his psycho bitch of a daughter who he thinks needs meds and mental help. (This is possibly true, but that is NOT the point). So last night I was folding laundry and talking to the Chief in the laundry room and I told him about this invitation. Of course he knows me, really KNOWS ME and he is smirking. I am not 14 anymore and Bitch WILL raise her voice if her last nerve is tread upon. (Check me out talking about myself in the third person) I'm not sure if this frightens the Chief, or if he loves it, or if it's sort of a sketchy combination of the two.

Anywho, if my dad (a hot mess) lied and something is up that he's going to dump on me, I WILL be making a huge scene and stomping out of that place. So you might want to be there is all I'm sayin. If I'm going to make a spectacle of myself (and make no mistake OF HIM) you might as well get some entertainment out of it! I mean I was clear that he dumps on me when he gets me alone somewhere without a car and that I was suspicious and wanted to know. Of course he acted all innocent. You're no Laurence Olivier, Dad. He also made the extra effort to pretend he was hurt that I'm suspicious. NOT BUYIN THAT EITHER, LAURENCE.

Ya'll say a wee prayer for me. The only reason I even keep dealing with this is that I do think my son should know his grandparents, plus I never expected my dad to live this long, so I figure he's on borrowed time at this point. I should try to make an effort to be decent even if it is giving me lightheaded heart pounding anxiety.

You guys, I am selling my old knitting machines because I have new additions. I got such a sweet deal, I think I can sell all the old crap for these two upgraded machines. Wish me luck! Hopefully I'll have pics after the weekend but it's going to be pretty busy with kids and end of school stuff.

If you've read me a whole year, you know about the TV rule in summer. AND the fighting punishment. We're reworking the TV rule for this summer so stay tuned. I should get some decent comedy out of kids who can't play video games.


  1. Hugs on the dad thing, hope it goes ok.

    I am tagging you. Come read my blog and you will see why :)

    See you Monday.


  2. Dude, you're HYSTERICAL! You remind me so much of ME it's scary!! Hope it went well with the Pops!!

    BUT, the reason I am laughin' is, you're trying to SELL the knitting machines -- you _might_ not want to call them pieces of crap here, KWIM?? ::gg::

    And I am STILL trying to find where you have yarny goodness for sale -- please help me!


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